Trite Drivel!

Never in my life have I been so strangely academically tuned to have my finals grades upkeep the status quo as perfectly as they do. I have taken almost every single one of my finals, and without fail, my averages have not moved an INCH. I"m talking down to the hundredths place, nothing has changed. I don't get it, but I honestly don't care. I just show up, take the test, and leave as if nothing happened. I am an academic fiend. The lukewarm is my unchallenged domain. Nothing EVER happens!!!!!

As you can probably tell by by the lack of activity/work I've put into this site over the past 2-ish months, I have been pretty busy with other stuff. Alas, just as it was all those weeks ago, college is still kicking my ass. I am just as disappointed as you are, dear reader, don't get me wrong, but in times like these, I often try to wonder if I brought this all on myself. I mean, I am a double major after all. I'm supposed to be a full-time student working a part-time theatre/recording job that doesn't pay me because "experience" or whatever, and on top of this I have another freelance job that actually DOES pay me that I need to work on sometimes. Somewhere in between all that, I can have fun with my band, make my own music, films, plays, circuits, and photographs, but I'm actually wondering how this could possibly be the case with anyone at all. Like seriously, am I being punked? Is there some insane time management hack I've been missing? Is Vivance something I should really consider taking again? It feels like there are a billion other people in my shoes that somehow manage to do all of the things I am doing in a higher quantity and quality almost all the time while I am barely staying afloat. Granted, I am like 90% sure this is a classic case of death by comparison, but it's a comparison I still feel the need to make from time to time. I have a kindle. I just realized that just now. I brought it with me to school so I could read pirated books. I just now realized I haven't touched it once. How could I, anyway? By the time I would even get to the point where I could begin to have the slightest thought of picking it up again, I am riddled with the deluge of unfinished projects and attempts at self-improvement that have been collecting material or digital dust on my desk and hard drive that the thought of spending what scarce amount of down time I have left just exhausts me to the point where I want nothing to do with any of it at all, and my cycle of rot continues. As dismal as this sounds, dear reader, I would like to report that I am actually rolling with these punches a lot better now. I hope that the next entry I write will be a happier one.

Obviously I don't mean that, but to be real, I'm kind of hating the constant dread I feel while being here. See, I didn't choose to be a business major or something and I made the stupid decision of pursuing art in a "sensible way" whatever that means, and now I am in an AET program where every single professor who was wildly successful will wax lyrical about how the industry was so simple back then and will immediately tell you the catch-all method to "making it," only to in the same breath lament about how everything is different now and blah blah blah something something home studio something something TikTok marketing something something. This combined with the theatre double major really ain't helping my morale tbh. Everyone is telling me that I'll never be any less busy than I am right now, and that now is the time to make all my dreams come true, but at the same time, how the hell am I supposed to do that when I'm stuck doing my classes, or the mandatory theatre production I'm supposed to do, or afford gas or groceries, or anything for that matter? It feels like I'm barely reaching the bottom tiers of Maslow's heierarchy of needs, and the moment I reach above, I'll get a 74 on a big test or fall behind on some class. But hey, there's a free climbing wall so I can cope.

My tummy rumbled today in front of god and everybody today and it made me really sad and embarrassed. I have mild gastrointestinal issues because I live in Nashville and food is fried and sad, but it's also good, so I don't care.
I also had the privilege of explaining who the Noid was to some people today as well. It's fucked up, but honestly if I was a paranoid [get it?] schizophrenic in the 80s whose name was also "Noid," of all things, I would hold up a Domino's too tbh. Have you seen the way they word those ads? "Don't let the NOID in your pizza!" "The NOID is gonna kill you if you let him into your pizza box." "LeBron reportedly forgot to avoid the Noid today. Will this affect his legacy?" Yeah I'd perforate somebody in record time. Pretty based tbh.

You know something I can't stand? When these massive SUVs and pickup trucks just pull up into parking lots and just park in spots that aren't meant for them. I used to drive a Mini Cooper in Texas and now I drive a Volvo C30 in Tennessee, but istg the amount of people ive seen in this world who will drive the largest, most needlessly bloated vehicles just to not only drive them like they're golf carts, but to park them in spots meant for compact and sometimes handicapped cars! The amount of times I have seen a cybertruck sitting outside a parking spot, obstructing handicapped spots outside of my place of work is more than I'd care to admit, and alas, the same thing is happening in tennessee, and I just KNOW the types of people who drive these cars are the same people who say shit like "god i hate fat ppl if you make me uncomfortable in a plane you should buy both seats" and then do shit like this. Like I'm sorry, but I didn't almost get trampled by some fat old veteran's Ram 1500 so a 40 something mom in her Chevy Suburban could act like her car took ozempic too.

I keep seeing weird things around my house recently. I don't know how to feel about it. I'm not by any means a superstitious person, and I'm sure these audiovisual phenomena can be explained in a way that doesn't involve crystals or midwestern teenagers who call themsevles Wiccan, but some of these get pretty vivid to be chalked up as visions or something. I'll be in my kitchen late at night--an activity I do almost every day--and I'll look in my window to see some strange figure just kinda standing out in my backyard. I can't tell if they are looking at me or something else, its just kind of there. Sometimes I'll just see stuff lurking in my pantry or hallways that I recently walked through. It's strange because this is a very recent phenomenon for me. I have stayed up late basically every day for the past 8 years of my life, so it's strange to see that these things are only starting now. If I were a less rational person, I would say that it has something to do with someone spiritual that I've inadvertently pissed off, but I'd like to think that someone who has that much of an aversion to me doesn't have a really good arcane hold on my house.

I ran into this phenomenon called the "small web" the other day, and since finding out about it, I've been hooked. I mean, I haven't picked up anything CS related in years, and here I am learning HTML just for the fun of it. I don't know, but I'm just so glad that there is a movement of people out there that hate conventional social media and the bloating of the modern internet just as much as I do. It's nice to see that there are still people making these niche and strange websites for their niche and strange interests. I really hope this catches on because if it does, that'd be awesome.